It took me a while to start this post. For the past Thirty minutes my mind was blank. And at the same time I was watching "Dinner for Schmucks".Despite of the gloomy mood that I have, as the result of reminiscing, the movie gave me a bit of glow. But, that was just for a short time before the movie ended.So right now I'm back again. (sigh)
Last night, I had a great time with my co-workers/trainees while enjoying bottles of beer. We laughed, talked a lot of stuffs, plan things out, sang out loud and many more. It was fun.
But in every blast of laughs and giggle, I find my self smirking and shaking my head. Having deep thoughts and just being silent. Its as if every where I look there is always something for me to remind me of. Not to mentioned familiar songs played by the band. My friends can't help but notice it and just gave me a tap on the shoulder saying, "It's going to be OK."
And I said, "Don't worry, I'm used to this, I'll be OK", or am I?
No matter how hard I try distracting my self to other things,be it work, friends, good times, and even food. The thoughts of her keeps on knocking behind my head. It's hard.
Knowing that you must lay down low. Just trying to focus on the matter at hand. But it's hard. It's like thinking of smoking while you are in a meeting, and you can't wait for the fifteen minute break.
Having said that, I realize one thing. Why ask my self with the the Question, if I'm not even sure if I can even Stop?
Now THAT is the question.
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